


Kiss, don't tell

by StrangeNoise



Series: Reddie Week 2020 [6]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, But both think it is, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, The Hammock (IT), Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26288497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangeNoise/pseuds/StrangeNoise
Summary: On their last summer in Derry, Richie and Eddie share the hammock again. When something unexpected happens between them, they lose whatever precious time together they had left...This was written for day 6 of Reddie Week. The prompt I chose was "hammock"...
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: Reddie Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1902409
Kudos: 28
Collections: Reddie Week 2020





	Kiss, don't tell

It was the summer the Losers graduated high school and got ready to go to college somewhere outside of Derry. Everyone was so caught up with their own life and preparations that meetings of all seven members of their group started happening less and less. It was a little sad but at the same time not too much of a deal for any of them - and especially not for Eddie and Richie. The two boys had started hanging out even more than usual - either with various other friends by their side or just the two of them. And so, today too, Eddie was on the way to the secret hideout Ben had constructed for the group a few years back to spend a relaxed afternoon with Richie.  
  
When he arrived and climbed down the ladder, he tried to ignore the lingering scent of cigarette smoke in the air. Eddie had told Richie all about the dangers of his new favorite habit more than once and if the other didn't want to listen - then that wasn't any of Eddie's concern anymore.   
  
Once at the foot of the ladder, Eddie turned around and pouted slightly at the sight in front of him. Once again, Richie was occupying the hammock, the only place in the whole hideout that Eddie was comfortable sitting in and reading a comic book.  
  
"I thought you came here to spend time with me..."   
  
"Aaaw, is lil Eddie jealous of my comics?", Richie teased, a wide grin overtaking his face.   
  
"I'm not", Eddie bit back as he stomped over to where Richie was, "And stop hogging the hammock."   
  
"Hey, you changed the rule to 'first come, first serve'. Remember, Mr. always-arrives-way-before-Richie-so-he-can-have-the-hammock-to-himself?"  
  
Eddie bit at his lower lip but didn't know what to say. Unfortunately, Richie was right. He had insisted on that change of rules two years ago because he was always the first to arrive for any Losers club meeting and hated having to share the hammock with Richie, who was always the last to join them due to their ten-minute rule.   
  
"We can always share...", Richie offered, certain that Eddie wasn't going to take him up on it.   
  
Eddie pouted but stubbornness made him climb into the hammock nonetheless - or at least he tried to. It had been a tight fit when he and Richie had both been 13 but they had grown a considerable bit since. Especially Richie had had several massive growth spurts these past years so he already filled the hammock pretty well by himself. But Eddie was nothing if not determined and after a few moments of pushing and arranging their bodies he was in the hammock with Richie. Both boys had only one leg in the hammock, the other on the ground to prevent them from falling out. Eddie really hoped no spiders would climb up his leg...  
  
For the time being, he chose to focus on whatever Richie was reading next to him. The other boy was still as into comic books as he had been five years ago and even though Eddie wouldn't have been able to name a series Richie enjoyed for the life of him, he still recognized the characters in the volume Richie was currently holding to his face. Richie wasn't too far in and Eddie rested his chin on Richie's shoulder to see if he could still get into the story.   
  
"When did you get into comic books, Eds?", Richie asked. Eddie was sure he was grinning, but he couldn't move his head back enough to actually check.  
  
"I've always liked them", he insisted, even though everyone remembered that phase last year, where he had decided to finally grow up and tell people how stupid and childish comic books were, "And don't call me Eds."   
  
Richie didn't say anything in reply, which was kind of weird in and of itself, but Eddie didn't pay much attention. Unfortunately, it seemed, he couldn't focus on the comic either, however. From where his head was resting, Eddie could smell the scent of Richie's cologne. He had gotten it from his father for his 17th birthday last year and had worn it ever since. And even though Richie used way too much of it on any given day, Eddie still liked the smell of it.   
  
Shaking his head slightly, he tried to focus his attention back on the comic book in front of him but again, Eddie's thoughts drifted within seconds. As they did a lot these days, they circled around how their group of friends was soon going to be separated. They had graduated high school only a few weeks ago and the shadow of college loomed over them. And as happy as Eddie was to finally get out of Derry and away from his mother, he couldn't help but become unreasonably upset whenever he thought about being away from Richie. Every time he thought of this, his heart ached and there was a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach but Eddie told himself it didn't mean anything. The first few times he had also told himself that he felt like this about all of his friends except Mike leaving town - but soon he'd had to admit to himself that that wasn't true. He only felt that strange pain of upcoming loss when thinking about Richie.   
  
Eddie had felt a lot of strange things about Richie in the past months and probably even before that, he had realized at some point. But just because he felt them didn't mean he liked to think about them or put a name to them. His thoughts and feelings as such didn't scare Eddie much but the implications they brought did.   
He shook his head once more, then heaved a deep sigh to dispel such thoughts.  
  
"What's wrong with you today?"  
  
Richie's voice dragged Eddie away from his thoughts and the younger boy blinked up at him in confusion. Richie was looking away from his comic book and straight at Eddie.   
  
"I just thought about-", Eddie began to blabber before he interrupted himself to think about how honest he really wanted to be right now. After a few moments of hesitation, however, he figured if they weren't going to see each other for a while, he might as well be honest.  
  
"I just thought about how I'm going to miss you when we both move away for college."   
  
For a moment or two, Richie was silent. Then, the biggest grin spread on his face and he cooed at Eddie as he so often did.  
  
"Aaaaaaw you're so cute sometimes, Spaghetti", he exclaimed, moving to ruffle Eddie's hair but stopped-mid motion because the movement shook the hammock so much both boys almost fell out.   
  
Eddie opened his mouth to complain or take back what he said or...something. But stopped himself when he saw a sudden change in Richie's expression.  
  
"I'm gonna miss you too", he said after a few moments of silence and Eddie felt like he hadn't heard Richie's voice like this in a long time. It was rare these days for the other boy to be honest with anyone and not hide entirely behind a wall of jokes and sarcasm.   
And right now, that knowledge only made the honesty of his words hit Eddie harder than he thought possible.   
Maybe that was what made Eddie move even closer to Richie in the confined space of the hammock, to look him in the eyes as if there would be some truth there he couldn't say with words alone - and what finally made Eddie close the gap between them to press his lips to Richie's. It wasn't much more than that, really. Only a press of lips against lips and yet time seemed to stand still for as long as it lasted. Softly, hesitantly, Eddie could feel Richie press back after a few moments of hesitation and for a split-second, the smaller boy was on cloud nine.  
  
But then the reality of what he had done - what they were doing - caught up with him and he drew back so violently he catapulted himself out of the hammock and onto the ground below.   
  
"Eddie...", Richie said from somewhere above, his voice rough and confused but Eddie didn't take the time to look at the other boy.   
  
"You can't tell anyone!", he yelled, desperate and with tears in his voice before he got to his feet and made a run for the ladder that led back out into the barrens. Richie called out after him, but Eddie didn't even think to stop and face him. Instead, he ran deeper into the woods without paying attention to the ground underneath him or how thorns and small branches cut into his skin. He could deal with that later.  
  
Eddie ran and ran until his lungs burned so painfully in his chest he just had to stop. He listened to the sounds around him over his labored breath and only allowed himself to calm down when he didn't hear Richie's voice. With a trembling hand, Eddie pulled his inhaler out of his fannypack and took several puffs from it. But he only managed to calm down slowly. And it was only his body that calmed down - his mind was still racing.  
  
Terrified of what he had done and of the consequences, Eddie stayed where he was until he was certain he wasn't going to run into Richie on his way back home. He couldn't tell if it had been five minutes or two hours and he didn't really care. All Eddie cared about was not seeing Richie again.   
  
  
Once he made it home, he managed to sneak past his mother by some miracle and slipped into the shower. The hot water burned on his skin, especially on the cuts from the forest but to Eddie, it felt strangely cathartic. Maybe the hot water and the pain would wash away whatever had taken over him in the hammock and turn him back into the good boy he was.   
With the spray from above, it took Eddie a while to realize he was crying.  
  
  
Even though Eddie had worried, Richie didn't show up to talk to him at any point during that day or within the next several weeks. And the two boys didn't meet when none of the other Losers were around anymore either. Somehow, they made it work well enough in their little circle of friends but as more and more of them started to leave, Richie and Eddie started seeing each other less and less.   
  
  
Finally, at the beginning of September, Eddie turned 18 and wasn't dependent on his mother giving him permission to do things anymore. Only two weeks after his birthday, he moved out of Derry and went to a prestigious college in New York.   
He was glad that, over time, his memory of that last day he had spent alone with Richie was starting to fade - so glad, indeed, that he didn't realize all of his memories of Richie were starting to fade until it was too late...


End file.
